May 2008      Hola, friends! The world is a big place, yes? And infinitely fascinating. With that in mind, there’s something I want to share, ‘kay? Yes! That’s right! It’s time! It’s the day! Our book HOW TO BE— *claps hand over Sarah’s mouth* Dude, chill. What *I* was going to say was that we humans have all kinds of interesting tidbits to share with each other: some you’d probably like to hear, some perhaps you’d rather not. Like, did you know that I’ve worn the same pair of jeans for five days in a row now? In my defense, I’ve been on tour. And I keep going from place to place, and it’s a PAIN to unpack. Plus, I’m just going from bookstore to bookstore, so really, how dirty can I get? (And also, not to point fingers or anything, but I hear tell there are four girls out there who pass the same pair of jeans around ENDLESSLY and have yet to wash them, so what’s five measly days, hmm? I’m just saying...) That’s what you want to share, that you need to do laundry? Yuck, Lauren. But what about our big news of the day? That our book, HOW TO BE— Hold on, Sarah! Another example, to make my point. Once I had to make cookie bars for my class when I was in grad school, and I didn’t have any chocolate chips, but I did have a big ol’ honking bar of chocolate. So I bit off little bits and let them fall into the bowl of batter, figuring that any spit germs would be killed off in the baking process. Um. Lauren? Remember how in our last "author tracker" email you were demanding that people bring you cookies when they come see us on the How to Be Bad tour, and I was saying DON'T EAT THE STRANGER COOKIES? Well, this is why!! People LIKE YOU make cookies and then feed their spit to unsuspecting fellow grad students or authors! That is what I want to share. I will not eat stranger cookies. Oh, come on, tell us something that our darling readers may NOT want to know about you? Okay, fine. I bite my nails. I don't care. I don't care about long nails! I don't care if you think it's gross. I bite them and I will always bite them and I'm not beating myself up over it. There. Now you know. Sarah? Your turn. *Stomps foot* I know what I want to share! I know what our readers may not know! It’s that our book HOW TO BE BAD— *lifts finger to lips* Not yet! First you have to tell us something that embarrasses you! Sigh. Fine. I don’t know how to wear lipstick. OK? I try to put it on, but it always ends up on my teeth. I don’t know why. ‘Cause you don’t know the two-finger trick, that’s why. But please, go on. What else? I’m a complete hypochondriac. Anytime I hear about an illness—malaria, conjunctivitis, zinc poisoning—I am 100% sure I have it. I scour the Internet, I call poison control. I see doctors. This is fun! What else? Once when I ate too many pineapples— *puts arm around Sarah* All right, that’s enough Sarah, thanks for playing! *clears throat* My point in all this is that as potentially disturbing as these things are, we’re all human—and maybe our fascination with those “under the surface” sorts of things are why the three of us are writers. Ohhhhhh. With that in mind, the big exciting thing that we DO want you to know about us is…Sarah, do you want to say it? Our book HOW TO BE BAD is finally out!!!!! *flings confetti and grape nuts into air* Wh-hoo!!!!!! Yay! We are so excited, because we are so proud of this book-baby! We’ve been waiting and waiting, and now it’s happening, and we would be so thrilled and honored and delighted to have y’all read it. Seriously. So we’re hoping you’re on your way to your friendly neighborhood bookstore, holding up your lighters or your cell phones or whatever. And swaying, preferably. And holding hands. Perhaps singing “We Are the World”? That would be great. Thanks. E.: Lauren. Excuse me? "We are the World"???? While you're at it, why not suggest "Michael Row the Boat Ashore"? Please go here to view our tour dates and locations!